Are You Ready for Jesus’ Model of Friendship?

Beloved, do you need covenant friends? If so, are you really willing to do what that means? Today, we are looking at Jesus’ example of what real friendship is.

One of the biggest signs of personal revival is your willingness to relate to people in the way God’s Word says we ought.

Consider the word of the Lord in Malachi:

“Then those who feared the Lord spoke to one another, and the Lord listened and heard them; so a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who fear the Lord and who meditate on His name” (Malachi 3:16 NKJV).

Isn’t it sad that it was a novelty for the people who feared the Lord to SPEAK to one another? It was so noteworthy for people to actually speak to one another that “the Lord listened and heard them,” and a book of remembrance was written before Him. Yes, someone in Heaven wrote a BOOK to memorialize the fact that God’s people were speaking to one another.

If that isn’t the current state of the Church, I don’t know what is. And it’s sad.

But, beloved, if you want to chase and receive ALL that the Lord has for you in this life, and in the life to come, it is NECESSARY to live your life in community with others.

Look at what it says in Proverbs 18:1:

“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment” (Proverbs 18:1 NKJV).

Since we know that wisdom is Holy Spirit Himself, this means that isolating oneself means we are actually raging against the Lord Himself.

This makes sense also when we consider Psalm 133:1-3:

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious oil upon the head, running down on the beard, the beard of Aaron, running down on the edge of his garments. It is like the dew of Hermon, descending upon the mountains of Zion; for there the Lord commanded the blessing—life forevermore” (Psalm 133:1-3 NKJV).

The Lord commands the blessing on us when we dwell in unity with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

The blessing that He commands is LIFE, forevermore. And we cannot receive that blessing of abundant life unless we are dwelling in unity with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Therefore, some of the biggest signs of revival …

Some of the biggest signs that we are seeking God with all our hearts; that we are humble before the Lord, truly sold out to Him and willing to do His will in everything; and that we truly have His fire burning in our hearts …

… are the following visible indicators:

• It’s when we become willing to forgive;
• When we become willing to heal;
• When we become willing to move on and share our lives with one another;
• And when we acknowledge and act on the fact that we were meant and designed to live life with one another in Biblical community.

We were meant to live life-on-life with one another.

We really are our brother’s keeper. How do we know this? Well, we can see it lived out in Jesus, and in the way He lived during His ministry here on earth.

And since we are to become like Jesus in all things, in order to determine what the Lord’s will is for us regarding relating to people, we have to look at how Jesus behaved.

What did living in community look like for Jesus?

And, what did true friendship look like for Jesus?

Of course, during the first number of years of His life, Jesus lived with a family, just like anyone else would. But, after that, even though He was no longer living with His family, and thus had perfect freedom to do as He pleased …

… He still chose to live in community.

He still chose to associate Himself with people.

The Gospels do not record any time when He was alone for extended periods, except for when He was in the wilderness being tempted by the enemy.

Of course, He had His times to recharge alone, such as when He would go up on a mountain to pray by Himself. But, even though He occasionally needed some time alone with the Father, Scripture does not record any time when He chose to isolate Himself, or that He chose not to do life with other people.

Jesus desired community. He desired to share His life with others.

And He both enjoyed friendship with His disciples AND He taught His disciples. He even shared daily life with them:

• He was in their homes. For example, we know that Jesus was in Peter’s home when Peter’s mother-in-law was sick, and Jesus healed her.
• He was in their places of business. That’s where He called some of them to be His disciples: He stopped by Matthew’s tax office; He went over to the lakeshore to call Peter and the sons of Zebedee from their fishing boats.
• He was with these people day after day.
• He ate with them.
• He talked with them.
• They would have had fun together.
• They suffered persecution together.
• They sweated together, walking miles on dusty roads under the hot Middle Eastern sun. (This probably even means they could smell each other. This was real life, folks!) 🙂

Jesus’ friendship with His disciples wasn’t all about high-and-mighty spiritual stuff all the time.

They were real people living real, human lives. They spent time together in every circumstance one could imagine for three years—to the point where, if Peter or Thomas drank too much water and had to stop behind a palm tree somewhere, everybody would have known it. This was real life, shared by real people.

Jesus showed us how to do real friendship.

He showed us by His own example. He is the Friend who sticks closer than a brother, and He really did stick with the disciples through thick and thin–the same way He sticks with you and me now.

Yes, Jesus really lived out the concept of true friendship by walking with others through everyday life, sharing every one of the ups and downs of life with them. Of course, there were spiritual activities too:

• Jesus taught the disciples.
• He raised the dead.
• He healed people.
• He prayed, and He taught the disciples how to pray.

But they also ate together. They handed out bread and fish to people together. They worked, and worked hard. They sweated together and stank together. They shared life together, and they did so until Jesus ascended to Heaven after the Resurrection.

And after that, even though Jesus was no longer with them in visible form, they continued dwelling together in unity with one another—the way Jesus had shown them to live.

These are the things Jesus chose to show us as His model of friendship and community.

How are these things different from the way many Christians behave in this modern age?

Well, although patterns are going to vary from culture to culture and person to person, in many cases in the modern church, we have this pattern of friendship that looks like this:

• You see someone on Sundays only.
• You ask them how they are, perhaps give them a hug, ask them how their week was, and tell them you will pray for them.
• Then, that’s it—until the following Sunday, when you repeat the process.

All the while, people are going home alone and crying all week, because they have nobody to do life with. (Yes, even married couples cry and get lonely.)

Friend, when we consider how Jesus showed us that friendship ought to work …

… and we compare that with how modern Christianity is often actually done …

… we should hate and abhor the current model that exists in plenty of Christian communities and relationships.

Of course, there are some communities, cultures, countries, and families where things are a little more tight-knit. However, in general, do-it-alone Christianity is what I see way too much of. I get emails from people all over the globe stating they don’t have any friends; that they are isolated and alone, even when they attend church, Bible study, or small group every week.

We HAVE to change this mindset in the Body of Christ.

We MUST start embracing Biblical community. We have to get away from our high-and-mighty and start doing life with people.

No, you can’t do life with everybody. There are too many people out there, and only so much “real estate of you.” But you can do life with some people, and you can find people who are of the same spirit, with whom to dwell in unity.

Our culture of isolation needs to change across the whole entire Body of Christ, but it changes one person at a time.

And the first step is to look at what Jesus did, and at Who He showed himself to be. Jesus is our ultimate example and role model in everything, and He is the ultimate friend. He is Emmanuel, God With Us—and by revealing Himself as God With Us, He simultaneously revealed that His plan for US is to be “with us” too—in other words, with one another.

He is a God of community Who Himself dwells in community, both with Himself (as He is Three In One), and with us, His beloved human creations whom He has made into His sons and daughters.

So, beloved, what should real friendship and community look like?

It looks like:

• “Doing life” with other people.
• Keeping in contact with one another.
• Not blocking other people out who will truly be good friends for you.
• People spending time together!
• People talking with one another, both about fun things and about deep things.
• People sharing their hearts with one another.

We don’t all have to live in the same house or go to the same church. But we do need to share life with one another, enjoying one another and supporting one another and LOVING one another in a godly way.

Jesus is kind and forgiving, loving, fun, creative, and He dwells in community with US, every moment of every day. This is the model of friendship He showed us during His life and ministry here on earth, and it is still the model of friendship and community that we are supposed to be keeping.

Do you want this model of friendship to be active in your life? Do you want to live the way Jesus showed us? On this journey of healing, are you willing to embrace old, unholy mindsets of isolation with true, Biblical, godly community?

It starts with one person: YOU. Even if you don’t have any friends yet, you can start living this way by being a friend to others. You can be the one who starts caring about others first; and, by so doing, you can change your life and the lives of those around you.

Are you willing to keep walking through this process of healing with this goal in mind? Leave a comment below if so!