When You Don’t Matter To Your Parents
Beloveds, today’s post may be hard for some of us to read. We are talking about a raw, painful subject.
But, I implore you: please read it anyway, for you will find comfort herein. And may the God of all comfort give you grace, grace, and more grace as you read.
For Day 26 of our 31 days of supernatural encounters (series index here), we are talking about how Papa God can heal your heart when your parents don’t want you … when you don’t matter to your parents.
Read: Psalm 27
Your situation could look like any number of things.
- Maybe you were abused as a young person, and you had to put distance between you and your parents for your own self-protection.
- Maybe your mother or dad abandoned you or your family.
- Maybe your parents were simply not loving. Maybe they never told you they loved you; never took care of you; never provided for your needs.
Or maybe their lack of care didn’t become apparent until later in life.
Maybe your parent(s) openly preferred one of your siblings over you.
Maybe your grandparents never bothered to leave you an inheritance, and your parents have squandered everything they had–so there won’t be an inheritance for you from them either.
Maybe your parents always helped your siblings, but never would help you.
We all have a story. And whatever the circumstances of your individual story, the result is the same for many precious brothers and sisters reading this:
Your heart hurts because it has become obvious that you don’t matter to your parents.
And beloved, I am so, so sorry. I feel your pain as the Lord led me to pray for you this morning, and I knew He wanted me to talk to you about this …
… because there is healing for your heart today.
Related: Healing the Orphan Heart: Your Name Is Carved On God’s Tree
If you don’t matter to your parents, the Lord wants to take away your pain today and heal you.
It hurts when your parents don’t want you. It hurts when they don’t value you. It hurts when they prefer your siblings over you; refuse to affirm you; or treat you like trash in any way.
But healing is available for you TODAY. Here’s how:
Heart healing happens in a three-step process:
1. First, we have to tell Jesus about the fullness of our pain.
This means we bare our souls to Him, admitting to pain that sometimes we have long kept hidden or pushed down. (Sometimes, in an effort to be strong, we pretend that we are past certain things, or that they don’t matter to us.) It all has to come out–to Him.
2. Second, we have to hand Him our pain.
We have to be willing to see that pain in our hands, extend our hands to Him, and offer it to Him to take. As soon as we do that, He will take it.
3. Third, we have to let Him place His love in our hands in the place of that pain.
It’s a divine exchange: He takes the gift of our pain and tears that we offer Him, and He places the beautiful, ribboned gift of His love in our hands–right where our agony used to sit.
When we receive His love like that, then we have to soak in it and let it work in our hearts.
This is how you heal when your parents don’t love you.
But there is a divine exchange. When your mother and your father forsake you, the Lord will take you up and adopt you as His child. He is the Father to the fatherless. His heart is always for the orphans.
Psalm 27:10 in the Amplified Classic Version says this:
Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].”
He will never leave you an orphan.
John 14:18 says:
I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.”
And when you agree to His divine exchange, letting Him become both your father and your mother …
… then He will be a better Parent to you than your earthly parents could ever have been.
He will love you at all times. He will help you sense His love, especially when you’re needy. (All you have to do is ask Him to help you feel Him and His love, and tell Him that you’re hurting and need His comfort.) He will protect you and raise you up like your parents never did.
You can even ask Him to give you an inheritance.
Yes, you can ask Him for a literal, physical inheritance. You can ask Him for help in any other way, too:
- You can ask Him to help you sense that you are valuable; to give you a sense of your worth in His sight.
- You can ask Him to teach you who you are, and help you fit in with your new family of His children.
- You can ask Him to help you with anything at all–especially things that your earthly parents should have helped you with.
Do you want this?
And if so, are you willing to give your pain to precious Jesus, and Abba Father, and Holy Spirit–and receive His love in its place? Are you willing to let Him become both mother and father to you today?
“Heavenly Father, I come to you in Jesus’ name. Father God, thank You for Your promise that, when my mother and father forsake me, then You will take me up and adopt me as Your child.
Abba Father, I receive this promise in faith today. You know that my mother and father have forsaken me. It hurts, Father. (Tell Father about your pain here.)
But Father, I don’t want to bear this pain anymore.
Jesus bore my sorrows for me, and I know You want to heal me. So Father God, I hand my pain, disappointment, despair, anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness to You today.
(Imagine yourself actually handing these things to Father, and see Him taking them out of your hands.)
Father God, I have given You all the pain. I now receive You in the place of both my father and mother. YOU are now Father and mother to me, Lord. You are everything to me, and I receive You and Your love right now.
(Imagine Father actually handing you His love in a beautiful, gift-wrapped package!)
Father, I know this is a serious covenant for you.
You didn’t make the promise to be my Parent without meaning it. You are all I have now.
So Father, I ask You to manifest Yourself to me in all the ways that my earthly parents should have loved me.
- Fill me with Your Holy Spirit of adoption, and help me to cry out to You as my Father from the deepest places of my heart.
- Provide for my needs in abundance, Father. (Tell Him about any specific needs you have, and ask Him to provide them today, since He is Your Father now.)
- Help me feel loved. Let Your love dwell in me richly, and help me sense Your love and affection at all times.
- Send me an inheritance, Father, that is better than anything my earthly father or mother could ever have given me.
- Help me learn who I am in You, Father.
- Comfort me today and every day, and comfort me more than my earthly mother ever could have. Help me nurse at Your breast, for You are El Shaddai–the Many-Breasted One.
- Help me depend on You for everything–and run to You first, whenever anything happens at all.
- Help me see how good You treat me, and change my paradigm about how I can expect to be treated by people. Help me to thank You for everything.
Father, I choose to depend on You. But You are faithful, and people aren’t. I know that depending on You is the best choice I can ever make.
Father, I pluck out every arrow the enemy has ever shot into my heart right now, in Jesus’ name.
And I apply the blood of Jesus over every wound in my life. I receive Your love into every wound; into every place in my heart. Let healing come so perfectly that there will not even be a scar. Let Your love soak into me today and every day, and transform me under Your parentage.
Thank You, Father. I love You. You are truly everything to me.
In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Listen to Steffany Gretzinger sing “No Longer Slaves,” and just receive your Abba’s love as you listen.
Does this word encourage your heart today? If so, please leave a comment below. I’d love to hear from you!
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Thank you Jamie, you’ve truly encouraged me today on so many levels. I really feel like God has touched my heart and healed me. You are wonderful Jamie, God bless you???
I am saving this for my granddaughter which I am raising for when she gets older. I knew she would realize at some point in her life the void. I hope this helps her. I can’t believe I never thought to bring the void to God. I will be praying for her for this now and give her this article at the right time. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this! I released my mother this past weekend and surrendered her to God. I’ve been really struggling with this and now, reading this, I know that I had to in order to heal. Thank you, Father, for always being there and thank you for giving me the courage and strength to let go.
Isn’t it strange that we don’t realize that we are adopted at salvation, and how much trouble this causes us even if we don’t realize it.
Jamie, thank you so much for listening to Father God concerning this issue of feeling forsakened and uncared for and praying for those of us who’s heart’s are truly broken. I have tried soooo many times in the past to receive healing, but the pain just runs so deep. But I prayed the prayers that you wrote and have completely surrendered my heart to Papa God (a.k.a. Daddy). That is one word that seems so foreign to say, but hopefully not any longer. And I know this was for me because I was literally just thinking about Psalm 27:10…so bless you for your obedience and time spent on people like me who have been hurting for a long time. I am looking forward to having the true unconditional love of “my Daddy” for the rest of my life ?
Oh my I can relate to this on such a deep level. I left Ohio in 1979 & God moved us to Idaho. For it is here He is doing the miraculous in my life for all the pain & rejection of my parents. I can only weep right now but I know God is using it to heal me after all these years. I have forgiven my parents and Dear Abba God has stepped in and adopted me and is filling me with His love. There is no better love than God’s. Thank you with all my heart for doing this blog, I desperately needed it! I thought God forgot me out here in the desert but truthfully He hasn’t and He never left me or abandoned me. Praise His Beloved Name Forever!
I have been struggling so much. Thank you for this, It truly was a spoken truth to my ears. I keep beating myself up for things my mom has done thinking what if I had… would she love me then…. I prayed to release all this this morning. I will begin to look to Him for my needs.
I will pray for my mom but no longer be the way I was with her. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks Jamie as this serves also as a reminder that we have to forgive and forget to fully live our lives with Christ, who is every thing to us. We dl not need to carry our burden as we have Him and we have everything through Him. May God bless you
Thank you for explaining the part of adoption by our father God so well.I am encouraged.
Thank you so much
This really helped me
God bless you
Thank you so much for this prayer. I know of a little girl who is not loved by her mom. I’ve been praying for her everyday. When I received your recent message regarding children who are not loved by their parents, I knew God heard my prayer. Thank you for your obedience to the Lord. I believe he will continue to bless you and your ministry.
Thank you. My father was both physically and sexually abusive. My mom was very critical and emotionally cold. She blames my father’s treatmrnt of me on me. By my choice i adked them to leave me at a local park at 16 years if age as they moved across the coubtry. I am 65 now. My dad has passed and my mom is beginning that journey. I iften think i am over it but she is still able to hurt me deeply. But for my Abba..my Jesus.
Ty for sharing this.
I am so sorry for your pain hugs sister in Christ your family to me
This is an On time word! This blog ministered to my soul. I have been out of touch with my mother for years now. As you mentioned, this is the time of year the enemy will replay situations from past hurt. Thank you much! May God’s Grace,Mercy, and Favor be with you always?
Highly encouraging and engaging. Am passing through hell with both parents. All these words have comforted me. Thanks.
Bless you Jammie
This is a whisper from heaven in my deepest hurts. Times have been really tough between my parents and myself and I have never felt any true sense of love or appreciation.
My heart has been filled with so much pain, anger and unforgiveness, but I gave now received the adoption from Abba and I trust that I am being renewed in his love.
Hi Jamie i feel out of bondage of abandonment i am feeling free and loved already i know that Father love me so much but the way i am confused at times when i feel like I’ve prayed so much whereby am not hearing from Him and everyone around me suffers me the more i could feel lost or is there anything which am lacking to do for my Heavenly Father to come to my rescue but now i know who can open mine eye’s clearly that my Father isn’t far from me all i need to do is to surrender everything in His care and stay-free as on who already have her burden carrier thanks Jamie my heart is loose right now and full of comfort and joy God blesses you and your family
In Jesus mighty name AMEN
Hi Jamie. This was really powerful. I only spoke to someone this very night, barely hours before reading this and I know that she has a lot of wounds that she doesn’t even know are wounds. I was quite at a loss or how to proceed. But reaalllyyy, the Holy Spirit is amazing. Orchestrating even our devotions and bible study. I’ll be using this material on healing when we get to that bridge!