Full confession: I’m scared.
I’m scared to believe God for big, because the big thing I want didn’t come as easily this time as it came last time.
Oh, I’m not scared to believe Him for big in every area. It’s just one area.
One area that I’m struggling with.
One area that happened easily last time, but hasn’t happened yet this time.
One area that the devil is so scared of that he attacked me, just a few days ago, with the most vicious personal and ministry attack I have experienced in YEARS.
I guess this means I have to go to fasting. “Go to fasting” is the thing that rose up in my spirit when I sat down to write this.
This isn’t a normal blog post; I’m processing here. But, I’m sharing this because I believe many other people are enduring the same thing.
You believed God for breakthrough once, and you got it. But this time, when you need the Lord to do the same thing again, you’re not so sure.
Not so certain.
Looking for better ways, but finding none.
Looking for cheaper ways, and finding lots.
Tempted to go with the cheaper way, just because it’s cheap. Not sure if dealing with the drama again is worth it.
But then there is the heavenly impact of your “YES.”
Your “YES” made a lot of difference last time. Your “YES” changed everything for dozens–maybe hundreds or thousands–of people.
Or maybe your “YES” changed everything just for you.
But your “yes” made a difference, and you know it.
But is it wisdom to say yes again? Is it wisdom to pursue it? Or is it wiser to avoid the enemy attacks that are sure and certain to come with your saying “YES” to the Lord?
Which is wisdom?
When it comes right down to it, which is fear? Which is intimidation? Against what has the enemy unleashed his most vicious attacks?
It’s against the big thing, and you know it.
It’s against the thing that changed everything for some of the people you love most in this world.
At least, it is for me.
In every other area, enemy attack means we’re over the target. It means we’re positioned exactly where we need to be, and we just need to hang in there and overcome the enemy.
We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, you know.
So I’m going to give my testimony here today:
Last year, in July to be precise, the people of God in our community banded together and together donated about $24,000 to provide free lodging to every person who attended the first annual Between Two Worlds retreat. Lives were forever changed at this retreat.
But costs have gone up and we need one more day for rest and mentoring, and next year’s retreat–lodging alone–is going to cost $30,000. We have about $1,600 of that. And remember that our ministry pays tithe, so in order to net $30,000, we actually have to receive about $33,000 USD gross.
This Friday–which is TOMORROW–my staff and I plan to drive up to Pigeon Forge and look at other hotel ballrooms and cheaper options.
Because the money hasn’t come easily this time, and I’m scared to go after it.
My flesh is scared, because I’ve endured such personal and vicious attacks lately over this issue that it has made my flesh want to quit the ministry.
Just being real.
I’m not going to quit the ministry, though, because I don’t serve God to please people.
I serve God to obey God, and whether obeying Him is always fun or not has nothing to do with it.
But my flesh is still scared to pursue the $30,000 we need.
But wouldn’t it be incredible if, tomorrow, we drove up to Pigeon Forge not to find cheaper, inferior options–but to deliver a check for $30,000 to the rental company for the best lodge in the entire southeast United States?
Maybe I need to wait on the Lord.
Maybe you need to wait on the Lord, too, in whatever area you’re scared to believe big.
Maybe the enemy attacks you’ve endured mean you’re over the target too.
Maybe we all need to go to fasting and praying and see what God does.
Tell me what you think below.