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How To Heal From Rejection and Abandonment, Step One

How to Heal from Rejection and Abandonment | FromHisPresence.comIn our series about how to heal from rejection and abandonment, we already talked about how demonic spirits work together to build a stronghold of rejection in your mind. We also talked about 4 signs you have a stronghold of rejection.

Today, we’re going to talk about the actual, physical process of how to heal from rejection.

The first step is identifying the weak spots in the stronghold of abandonment and rejection.

If you were in the military and you were charged with invading a city, you would send someone to check the city out first. You would identify the best places to invade, and you’d learn what holds the city together so you’d know the best place to begin.

The same thing works with spiritual warfare.

The key to getting healed from rejection and abandonment is tearing down the devil’s stronghold in your mind. And to tear down that house of wrong thinking, you have to know what holds it together.

The thing that holds the stronghold of rejection together is unforgiveness.

So, the first key to tearing down this particular stronghold is forgiveness.

True story. It really is that simple.

There’s definitely a process, and you have to be informed about how it works in order to navigate it successfully; but it really is that simple.

As we discussed in the first post, the enemy began to nest in your mind through one or more actual events that happened to you–actual experiences in which someone abandoned you. The unhealed wounds from those events were the original access points for the devil’s minions to access your mind.

But if we go back and heal those wounds, we knock the foundation out from under the stronghold, and the whole thing collapses. It’s like God says in Proverbs 26:2:

Start-quoteLike a flitting sparrow, like a flying swallow, so a curse without cause shall not alight.”

The enemy cannot access your life without an open door. When you close those open doors, you kick the enemy out.

 

Imagine an open-sided pole barn. (A pole barn is a barn that is held up, not by walls, but rather by poles. There’s a large post every few feet holding up the roof, and nothing else.)

When you have a stronghold of abandonment and rejection, it’s like a pole barn. Every experience you’ve had in your life in which you’ve been either abandoned or rejected is another pole.

Did your dad walk out on your family? That’s a pole.

Has your spouse left you or cheated on you? Another pole.

Did your childhood best friend turn on you in elementary school, and start making fun of you instead of being loyal to you? That’s another pole.

And throughout the course of life, we collect these poles. Every one of these situations, left unhealed, contributes to the stronghold. The demonic voices are the roof, and these unhealed situations are holding them up–and trapping you inside this house of evil, twisted, influenced-by-the-enemy thinking.

Then imagine that this open-sided pole barn, from which you SHOULD be able to see the outside world clearly, is wrapped on all sides in red plastic wrap.

You’re standing in the middle of the barn, looking out. You can see people come and go. They can even talk to you. You see animals, cars, the sun and clouds, birds flying, and more. You can see everything just fine, because the sides are open. You can still see the world.

Except … you see it red.

Therein lies the problem. You can see just fine, but your vision is distorted and you don’t even know it. Absolutely EVERYTHING about your world is colored red. You view everything outside through a red-tinted lens, and the saran wrap even turns all the light that gets inside the pole barn into …

… you guessed it …

red light.

And since we’re talking about the stronghold of rejection, you can see the illustration.

When you have a stronghold of abandonment and rejection, you see the entire world through the lens of rejection.

Sigh. It’s an ugly thing–a painful paradigm that JESUS never meant for you to have. The stronghold of rejection and abandonment–along with fear and all the other nasty things that go with it–are the work of the enemy, pure and simple.

And you don’t have to put up with that bondage anymore.

How do you get free from rejection? Here’s step two:

It’s simple. You forgive all the people who have ever abandoned you or rejected you, in your whole life, one at a time. Forgive, forgive, forgive.

This is a systematic thing, not a blanket “yeah, I forgive them all” thing. You make a list of every person who has ever abandoned you or rejected you in your whole life. Then, you work your way systematically through your whole list, forgiving people one at a time. Verbally. Out loud.

And every time you forgive someone who has abandoned or rejected you, you knock a pole down.

As you work your way through the list, you notice that you can see a little better from where you’re standing. The view isn’t quite as obstructed. You can see the outside world a little more clearly, with fewer poles standing in your way.

As you keep moving through the list, you suddenly notice that a whole corner of the roof of that barn has fallen in. Pretty quickly, the hole in the roof has spread.

You’re kicking down poles left and right, and the building is now open to the light. 30%, 40%. Then 50% of the poles are gone, and you’re still in the barn, but it’s falling down around you.

60%, 70%, 80%, 90%, 99% … and things are looking pretty good …

… But 99% is not good enough. 99% of the way through your list leaves a hook from the enemy in you.

You’ve got to work your way through the entire list. 100%.

And after 100% forgiveness–after you forgive every single person who has ever abandoned you physically, emotionally, or spiritually in your whole life–that barn is totally down, and you will be free.

(Just to make sure you forgive everybody, I encourage you to ask Holy Spirit throughout the process if there’s anyone else whose name you need to add to the list. If anyone comes to mind, write down their name, even if it feels silly or like a non-issue. Holy Spirit will show you why each person matters.)

When you are finished with your list, chances are that you’ll notice the difference, too.

I’ve never prayed with anyone to forgive who has not experienced a difference.

Even if you don’t feel the difference until the next morning, you will feel the difference. The light will shine all around you. You won’t be trapped in the shadowlands anymore. You’ll feel lighter, freer, and more at peace than you’ve ever been.

It’s all about forgiveness. This stuff works, beloved. I’ve seen it work time and time again. Over and over.

Because the Gospel is simple: He whom the Son sets free is free indeed.

But there IS a third step to healing from rejection and abandonment: RECEIVING.

We’re going to talk about receiving tomorrow. And TOMORROW, I have an amazing surprise for you that is going to help you through this process! So stay tuned, and I’ll see you tomorrow right here!

In the meantime, is Holy Spirit speaking to you about your life through this post? If so, please leave a comment below. I’d love to hear from you!

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27 Comments

  1. Hi Jamie, Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom with me. I answered no to the rejection questions but I think that I still have a form of the problem. I have a lot of difficulty sharing something publicly or even in a smaller group if I think that the people are not on my side. This is a real challenge because I feel that the Lord is growing me in the seer/prophetic way but it is a challenge for me to speak up. My voice can get very tremory (new word lol!) and dry. I am in a church that does not have teaching on the prophetic but I am in a position of influence over the leaders there. I do ask the Lord if He wants me to share something or not. What do you think about this?

    1. Hi, Debora. That’s a complicated question. Could I ask first, what do you mean about being in a position of influence over the leaders? That has a lot to do with how I would answer.

      1. I am on the search team at our church for a new pastor so am talking to the team, including elders, about choosing a pastor who is experienced in and able to move our church forward in the giftings of the Spirit like prophetic, healings, etc.

        1. Ok, I understand. Thanks for clarifying! I would definitely encourage you to speak up. It’s about stewardship. If the Lord gives you a word about something, or wisdom to share–which it would appear your church and leaders have confidence that He has, or you probably wouldn’t be on a pastoral search team–then you have a certain obligation to be a faithful steward of that word. Always bathed in wisdom and love and grace, of course; but if He has put something on your heart that you know is appropriate to share, please do speak up. All congregations and even work teams are a Body; and brothers and sisters in Christ need one another. If you don’t fulfill your God-given role, there will be a hole in the work that no one else can fill for you.

          Does this help at all?

  2. I was like wow because I don’t get to close to people because of the way people treated me.I just realize that I thought I walked away from all the past but now I see that it’s in my soul and I have to heal on the inside and that reading help me to be able to forgive by doing what you said. Ty

    1. Hi MaDonna. Yes, exactly right. We can do what we think is “moving on,” which it sounds like you have, and sometimes that’s the best we know how to do! But simply moving on doesn’t heal us on the inside. The wounds stay there until Holy Spirit heals them, which He will do as soon as we follow His steps. But as soon as we start His healing process, He meets us there and heals us, body, soul, and spirit! He’s such a good Father, and He’ll guide you all the way through!

  3. Thank you Jaime, for teaching us women how to be free. I just want to be completely set free , restored and healed in Jesus name and serve God in His kingdom. All glory and honor goes to my King . Thanks again Jaime

    1. You can be and will be, Sandra. It’s not even hard. I mean, it takes effort to line ourselves up with what God says, but you’ll find that Holy Spirit is a gracious Helper. He will help you, comfort you, lead you, and guide you all the way into freedom as you seek Him and follow His Word. He loves you so much and I can sense His pride in you. You’re a chip off the ol’ Block of Father God. 🙂

  4. Hi Jamie thank you I recieve the email about rejection and abandonment. Thank so much and I’m making a list know. Thank you!

  5. Jamie,

    I love this post so much. 🙂

    I have a question though.. What do you do if you are living in an environment where you are constantly being rejected?

    In other words, salt keeps getting added to the wound(and I’m not talking about the good kind of salt.lol). The scab peeled off of something that is healing. Doesn’t God normally take you away from the kind of environment so that he can heal and restore you? What do you do when you are living around the very people the enemy has used to make you feel rejected your entire life?

    I can’t even begin to say how much God’s love has healed me the past few years. Knowing and personally experiencing the power of his love has healed so much in me, including the rejection issue.

    But I can see I am in that situation where there is still an entry way for the enemy, because I am still affected when I am in these situations. Not nearly as much as I used to be. I know my identity is God’s beloved daughter, and he loves me perfectly. My identity is in who HE says I am. And His opinion is TRUTH.

    But I’ll get annoyed, or I’ll ponder someone’s treatment of me for an hour, a few hours, a day and bring it the Lord. The fact that it still affects me even a little shows me that the enemy still has entry.

    I just want wholeness in every area. Nothing to hinder my fellowship with Holy Spirit.

    Thanks Jamie!!

    1. Hi, Princess. I completely understand! First, let me say that I’m sorry you’re in a situation such as the one you describe above. I pray Papa would continue to heal your heart and your situation both.

      Regarding the practical aspects of the situation:

      There are only 3 options that I see. The 3 possible ways you could decide to handle this situation appear to me to be (and I’m not necessarily endorsing any of them; you’d have to make that decision between yourself and the Lord, as you know):

      1. You could stay in the bad environment and do nothing about it. That’s clearly not a great solution.

      2. You could pray about it a lot (which I know you’ve probably already done) and, if you feel led to stay, you can believe God to change the environment so that it’s healthy, or at least so that it no longer affects you. Or, you can also ask Him to change your perception of your environment, and change your ability to handle it. See my example at the end of this answer.

      3. You could take steps and put your toe in the water to see if God opens doors to move you. For example, praying for a roommate if you would need one in order to go out on your own … and then putting the word out to some people. Or, putting in applications for apartments. Confiding in people who have good networks that you are looking for a new place to live. Or any other such thing the Lord leads you to do.

      I don’t believe that God necessarily expects us to stay in environments such as the one you describe. (Note: This would be a different type of conversation, with different steps toward resolution, if we were talking about a marriage here; but I know we’re not since you and I have talked before. I just don’t want any other reader to see this and think I’m talking about marriage.) But in the environment you describe above, where you are free before God and man to leave if you like, I don’t think He expects you to stay unless He has told you to do so.

      Always ask Him, of course. Follow His voice. But I think Christians in horrible job situations, abusive friendships, poisonous dating relationships, and lots of other situations too often take a passive approach when God could already be showing them what His will for them is in His Word. Sometimes we tend to wait for supernatural signs and wonders to tell us to find a better environment, when God is just waiting for us to move forward so He can open doors for us.

      That doesn’t mean He’ll resolve it the same for everybody. I’ve been in a professional situation recently which I felt was unbearable. But I prayed about it and asked for a lot of prayer from friends, and God changed my perception of the environment, and my ability to handle it while remaining in good mental health, instead of removing me. And I’m okay with it now. But each person’s situation will be different, and only He can guide you.

      Psalm 32:8: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye upon you.” And read Psalm 32:9 … it’s a good one.
      Much love and big hugs to you today!
      Jamie

      1. Thanks Jamie
        I have forgiven everyone that has hurt me in the past. Even my husband who has now file for divorce, I forgave. Just waiting to read your next step and definitely want to partber with you to spread the word. Ao many of us are suffering.

  6. Hello Jamie.. Thank you so much for this post there are some people that I thought I had forgiven but as I was reading this post the Holy Spirit began to bring them back up to me. Thanks so much for this.. Geting to my list now. No more Red lights for me pole by pole they are coming down. I’m ready to be everything that God desires for me to be..

    1. Hello there. I’m so glad Holy Spirit has been talking to you! He really is the only one who can show us these kinds of things … to get past our defenses and our emotions to give us revelation into our own lives. He’s awesome. Proud of you for listening to His voice! You and Jesus can do this together.

  7. Thank you Jamie, I have been reading through your articles for a bit now and they have opened my eyes to areas in my life that need addressing. Especially these , these are two demonic spirits that have been attacking me from an early age and even though I thought it was minimal and never let it bring me down later in life. It has hurt more than I knew.

    1. Hi Ben. Thanks so much for reading my blog! I’m sorry you have endured these kinds of situations. But I’m so glad Papa God is talking to you about them. You can definitely get free. Holy Spirit is in the freedom business! As you follow through the steps, you will find tremendous healing for your mind, emotions, spirit, and soul. It’s all about obeying God’s Word, so it works. 🙂
      Grace and peace to you today, brother!

  8. Hi!

    Thank you for your posts. 🙂 I definitely have an abandonment/ rejection stronghold & was able to identify that with your help.

    It’s a disabling issue that I’ve always struggled with, I can see now. I accepted Christ as my savior recently & slowly this stronghold has gotten seriously worse!

    I could feel myself backsliding into double-mindedness & it was scary, but I didn’t know what the issue was or what I could do. I was desperate! I was led to your blog just in time.

    Thank you! I’ll be making my forgiveness list out today!

  9. I’ve prayed aloud to God my forgiveness for those who abandoned or rejected me. But I always struggle with the question of WHY? I want to understand why they acted in such a way. Did unknowingly I do something to provoke those actions? I just want to understand. Maybe it’s not my place but I’m a “why” person and feel that I learn from understanding why something happened. I welcome your thoughts on this.

  10. Well written! And so true!
    I chose to forgive and love ❤️ awhile back.
    Truth is, I love ❤️ and forgive every body that rejected and abandoned me anyway.
    I loved them first before they loved me.

  11. Jamie, thank you for all the time and love you give into your blog and your followers. Today’s post is right where I’m at. I’m currently seeing a counselor for a lot of emotional wounds. I have gone through the forgiving process, but still struggle with feelings of not being good enough. I know those wounds haven’t healed. I’m going to make a list, and double check my heart on forgiveness. Looking forward to tomorrow’s post on receiving, what I know is a huge part of my healing. Thanks again, Tina

  12. Thank you this blessed me so much, it was just what I needed. my sister in law just passed away and all these feelings and emotions were coming up from the past where I felt abandoned in relationships. This was of the Lord. I feel so much better, and now know I just had to forgive them, thank you again and God Bless love Gale

  13. Hi Jamie,
    Thank you so much for the cancelling that you give to my life I wrote my list and honestly speaking I have forgiven them but when I was writing them there was a person I failed to understand why he did this to me I trusted him I believed in him as 2nd CHRONICLE’S 20.20 says we must believe them we shall receive reward but his actions to me I failed to understand why ? Me ..but I thank my father God and my COMFORTER the HOLY SPIRIT who helped me to forgive him and made me to live him again even that why me keeps coming back why he choose to destroy me when he was helping others why he hated me so much what have I done to him that he chose to DESTROYED me and my daughter I wish I can get that answer from him face to face unfortunately HE is gone maybe the day I recovered from this suffering I will stop asking what have I done to him, sometimes I even thought that maybe because I grew up being neglected and abounded by my mother it became a curse to my life and it followed me where ever I go it,I pray that the STIGMA God will remove that curse of rejection and abondment to me d my DAUGHTER because she is going through the same pain. Of rejection she even said to me if I can she will kill herself because she has no one to love her only me even today we are facing rejection and abondment right inside the my mother’s yard by my family we are living a life of isolation and since I lost everything we are just nothing but the joke, we totally TOTALLY DEPENDING on CHRIST JESUS who keeps me and my child going up to this far, I am scared of CHURCHES a d PASTOR’S because of my experienced in a place called church find myself being the tool of church slavery than the love and peace of God,I find myself being used for things I do not u understand with no answer I decided to stay away from churches because I don’t know which is the right church of God you I will be invited to a church and I will find myself being initiated by just visiting to a place, to save my life I decided to WORSHIP my father God at home by myself it is not easy but it’s better than what you will get from the church…I will rather WORSHIP my father God alone at home than being part of BLASPHEMOUS of CHRIST. My faithfulness in his eyes is very important to me than to please a man for his wrong doing…my CREATOR is very important to me than man who made me to do the wrong for his SELFISH desires…o am not perfect but I cannot chose man for my CREATOR who brought me to this earth who created me and my child and who knows me before I was even formed in my MOTHER’S womb, who will never betray me but love me always. I am not PERFECT I know I am a SINNER in need of SALVATION. but I will try to do the right thing in the eyes of my FATHER GOD as PSALM 32.8 says his eye is on us. How I wish I can be in the mist of other believers of CHRIST but nowadays its not easy we thank FATHER GOD for this platform that we are using to COMFORT our souls and CONTINUED to dig deep and fight it through in JESUS name.

    Please pray for me Bongi and my daughter Wandisa in Jesus name.

  14. Hi Jamie,

    I’m soooo tired of the sob story of my life. Mom was gonna give me up for adoption, babysitter left me in my crib all day, my biological dad left before I was born, my adoptive dad treated his son better than me, kids at school bullied me, I was molested from age 4-12 by more than one man (one was my friends dad), and my husband that I love so much of 17 years cheated on me multiple times for over 10 years. I can’t wait to be free. I am going to work on this forgiveness and come back with a testimony!

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