How Unhealed Friend Wounds Keep Jesus at Bay
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Do you have friend wounds? Have you ever been betrayed or misused by a sibling or peer? Has someone hurt you who was NOT an authority figure in your life, but was instead an equal—and they acted like a playground bully and took their issues out on you?
If your friend, your sibling, your spouse (or ex-spouse), an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, a coworker in your workplace, or any other peer has hurt you, it can really damage your relationship with Jesus if that wound is not healed. But, if that has happened to you, Holy Spirit wants to heal you right now. In this new series about Healing from Friend Wounds, we’ll talk all about how to receive that healing!
First, what is a “friend wound”?
A “friend wound” is any wound inflicted on you by someone who is not an authority figure in your life, but who rather is/was an equal with you. In other words, if a sibling, peer, spouse, friend, coworker, et cetera mistreated you, all of these things would be considered “friend wounds.”

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Why can a friend wound damage your relationship with Jesus?
A friend wound can damage your relationship with Jesus because that type of wound changes your paradigm. Here’s what I mean by that:
- When someone who is supposed to be your friend hurts you, and that wound goes unhealed, the human psyche begins to think (even without meaning to, and even without realizing it) that friendship hurts.
- You will begin to think, even subconsciously, that people who approach you in the capacity of “friend” are going to hurt you like the first person did, and so you tend to keep people at bay.
- You may even (also without meaning to) put up emotional walls and decide to distance yourself from close relationships with friends, all because—in your experience—friendship hurts.
It is the same whether the “friend” who hurt you is someone you know well (like an actual former friend) or even a coworker, spouse, or sibling:
If someone hurts you who was meant to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you, supporting you and doing life with you while you do the same for them, then you will “learn” (by your own human experience) that this type of relationship hurts. You will even “learn” that letting people close to you and sharing your life with them will likely inflict pain.
And your natural defense mechanisms will kick in, causing you to put up your hand (figuratively speaking), build walls, and tell people to stop where they are—and not to come any closer.
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Healing from Father Wounds
If any male authority figure has hurt you, that father wound can scar your life and keep you from drawing near to Father God. But, Jesus wants to heal you from all of that today. In Healing from Father Wounds: An Orphan No More, Jamie teaches you how to receive your healing and the Father’s blessing from the Lord.
Well, when it comes to Jesus, the problem with friend wounds is that JESUS Himself comes to you as a Friend.
Not only that, but He even comes to you as a Brother! Romans 8:29 says this:
“For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren” (Romans 8:29 NKJV).
And John 15:12-15 tells us clearly that Jesus comes to us as Friend:
“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you” (John 15:12-15 NKJV).
And then there’s Exodus 33:11:
“So the Lord spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. And he would return to the camp, but his servant Joshua the son of Nun, a young man, did not depart from the tabernacle” (Exodus 33:11 NKJV).
Well, God is no respecter of persons.
As the apostle Paul wrote, what the Lord does for one, He will do for another:
“For there is no partiality with God” (Romans 2:11 NKJV).
And since God is no respecter of persons, He wants to talk with you and I face-to-face, as a man speaks to his friend, just like He did with Moses.
But also, check out James 2:23:
“And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” And he was called the friend of God” (James 2:23 NKJV).
Again, God is no respecter of persons. If He was friends with Abraham because of Abraham’s belief in Him, He is friends with you because of your belief in Him as well. And additionally, the blessing of Abraham is upon you—and part of that blessing involves the close, personal relationship with the Lord, just like Abraham had.
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Yes: The same way that God was Abraham’s shield and exceeding great reward, He is yours and mine as well. As it says in Genesis 15:1:
“After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying, “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward” (Genesis 15:1 NKJV).
Therefore, beloved, if you are in Christ—meaning, if you have given your life to Jesus Christ and have made Him your persona Savior and Lord, submitting to Him and obeying Him—then you also are God’s friend. You are Jesus’ friend, and He calls you such outright.
Jesus is not ashamed to call you His friend. He also calls Himself your friend.
He is even your Brother too–the Firstborn among many brethren.
But, if your earthly friends, siblings, and peers have hurt you, and those wounds have not been healed yet, then you will subconsciously try to keep friends and siblings at bay.
You may truly love people, but you won’t let them get close to you. You won’t confide in them. You won’t let them past your walls, and you’ll find it hard to trust people who are potential friends (or peers of any sort).
Basically, if friends, siblings, and peers have hurt you on this earth, you will look at the world through a lens that says friendship hurts. And so you’ll keep anyone who approaches you in the name of friendship at a distance, all to prevent yourself from getting hurt again.
And unfortunately, you will even (subconsciously) try to keep Jesus at bay:
- You may know Him and believe in Him, but you may not feel close to Him.
- You may feel much closer to Father God and Holy Spirit than you do to Jesus.
- You may feel like Jesus is unapproachable, even if you gladly and boldly approach the Father or His Holy Spirit.
- You may have a difficult time trusting Jesus, or trusting yourself to Jesus fully–even if you did receive Him as Savior and Lord, so that you know you are saved.
- You probably won’t feel Jesus’ love very strongly, or at all. (He still loves you just as much, but you just might not feel that love in your emotions.)
- And because you have a hard time trusting Him, you probably won’t see many of His mighty works in your life.
If you find yourself in this situation–keeping Jesus at bay, even accidentally–it’s not because you don’t love Jesus. In the case of unhealed friend wounds, it’s just because, through your negative life experience in this sinful world, you have developed a lens that tells you that friends cannot be trusted.
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And since your other friends and siblings hurt you, you ended up learning a paradigm that tells you friends and siblings, in general, cannot be trusted or will hurt you.
Therefore, that lens impacts your relationship with Jesus … because even though He saved you and you surrendered to Him, you still aren’t certain in your heart of hearts whether or not you can trust Him.
Does this sound familiar?
If so, there is hope.
This cycle of friend wounds is a negative, painful, destructive cycle. It impacts our relationship with Jesus, and it also even impacts our relationships with friends, siblings, and peers.
Beloved, you need friends and brothers/sisters in Christ. Jesus first, but others also.
We humans are not made to do life alone. We need each other. We need friends and a close peer group. Of course, we have to be careful who we allow within our inner circle; that’s just wisdom. But, we cannot isolate ourselves.
As Proverbs 18:1 says:
“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment” (Proverbs 18:1 NKJV).
Even the book of Acts (chapter 2) shows that God’s design for the Body of Christ is for us all to share life together; to spend time with one another, seeking Him and in fellowship, the breaking of bread (eating together), and prayers. Look at Acts 2:42-47:
“And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need.
So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:42-47 NKJV).
Yes, friend: the Body of Christ was designed to have all things in common, to bear one another’s burdens, and so to fulfill the law of Christ.
As it says in Galatians 6:2:
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 NKJV).
But we can’t do any of these things as long as we are bound by hurts and wounds that make us want to live in isolation. We cannot bear one another’s burdens if we are so busy keeping people at bay that we can’t let anybody in, to do life with us and to share our innermost heart.
And we cannot truly trust Jesus, or experience real, maximum intimacy with Him, as long as we think that friendship (even His friendship) and close companionship will hurt us.
There is a solution, though.
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In this powerful book, you will walk step-by-step through the process of receiving healing from God for all your inner hurts and wounds. The Lord has used this method to heal people all over the world. Order your copy today and use this Biblical healing process to walk right into soul peace!
That solution is receiving healing from God’s Holy Spirit Himself for all of our friend wounds.
And when Holy Spirit heals us, then we can see Jesus as He really is: filled with so much great love for you that He laid down His life for you, and so trustworthy and reliable that He will never leave you nor forsake you—and NEVER hurt or betray you.
Want to know how to receive that healing from friend wounds from God’s Holy Spirit? Then please continue following along with us in this article series, and we’ll explain all about the healing process!
In the meantime, is this description resonating with you about what happens when you have unhealed friend wounds? If so, please leave a comment below!
Thank you for such a teaching.
I’m very interested in this
Thank you, Jamie. This really hit a cord. One I didn’t realize I had. I look forward to the rest of this teaching!
This is kind of where I am at.
“I dare say”: ” Yes, Lord!”. And, to borrow another phrase, I say: “I solicit your prayers”.